Chapter: English Literature During The Middle Ages
So, this is when things start getting weird. Because, you know, they weren't weird enough already. Absalom, Alison's stalker, shows up in the dead of night while she and Nick are making whoopee. It's so dark outside that Absalom can't see a thing, which makes you wonder how he made it to their house in the first place. Anyway, he rolls up to Alison's window and proclaims that he's there on a mission of love.
Naturally, Alison tells him to stick it. More specifically, she tells him to run like hell, 'cause if he hangs around much longer, she's gonna stone him. One imagines that in the days before restraining orders, women just kept buckets of rocks next to their window in case of emergencies like this. Absalom says that he's not going anywhere until he gets a goodbye kiss, so Alison decides to play a bit of a joke on her would-be suitor.
While the poor sap puckers up in the darkness, Alison sticks her naked ass out the window instead of her lips. More specifically, Chaucer notes that "at the wyndow out she putte hir hole," which is funnier than anything I could ever write myself. One thing leads to another and Absalom smooches her arse - and not just one of the bare cheeks, mind you. Chaucer notes that Absalom knew something was amiss, "for wel he wiste a womman hath no berd. He felte a thyng al rough and long yherd." Loosely translated, when Absalom when in for the kiss, he felt quite a lot of hair. Yeee-ep.
And while you might think that making out with a woman's ass crack is about as far as this story is willing to go, you're sadly mistaken - things only get stranger from here.
Author: Geoffrey Chaucer • Year: c. 1386 • Info:Librarius
Lit Brick is a comic started by Jodie Troutman in an effort to read the entire Norton Anthology of English Literature. Having eventually succeeded in that goal, it now features comics about all manner of random literature. For more of Jodie's work, visit longtalljodie.com!